Unconditional Self-Love

My natal Saturn and Venus are both in Taurus. This aspect indicates a tendency to struggle with feeling loved and valued. Writing from experience, this has certainly been the case in my life. Spirit has been working with me very intensely the past couple of years to learn how to love myself unconditionally. Spirit has strengthened me and helped me to realize that I need to love and value myself regardless of whether or not others do.

Throughout my life, friends have come and gone. There has been case after case where it became clear to me that someone who I thought was my friend actually was not. I think that this is partly because I have been constantly looking for love and affirmation from others and partly because I have attracted people with low-vibrational energy or who were unhealed.

It is unfair to yourself and to others to place expectations on others. It is unfair to them because they have their own life, with their own soul contracts, karma and dharma, and divine plan, and may never be willing or able to meet your possibly high, ever-changing, or abstract desires of them. It is unfair to you because you are placing yourself in a position of defeat or inferiority. By expecting someone to swoop in and save you, you are placing that person on a pedestal and yourself in a victim role.

I have a boyfriend with whom I recently celebrated our six-year anniversary. Throughout these past six years, I have been quite happy in my life with him, but something was wrong. I continued to admire the handsome men whom I would see in my daily activities out and about or in my workplace. I would wonder what my life might be like with them. I would grant them special treatment or attention. This is despite my happy life with my special life companion.

I realized that I was really struggling to love and value myself. It was easy enough for me to love my boyfriend and to respect him by not allowing anything to develop with others (not that it really was; it was more fantasy in the mind). Though I had worked on my confidence and boundaries, I realized that I was still seeking affirmation and wholeness through others. This is highly problematic because it gives your power away and affirms separation. To believe that your value in life comes from others in any form (in my case through being desired and possibly loved) is disempowering and cruel to yourself. This was also disrespectful to my significant other and to myself, which was not my intention, but I was allowing it to happen. It can be a challenge to simply be content and present sitting in a loving relationship, but it is important to recognize it for the great blessing that it is and not take it for granted. I love my boyfriend and wish to remain in a happy and loving relationship with him. Clearly, I needed to heal a wound inside that caused this sad state of needing to be desired. Thankfully, I have a ceaselessly compassionate significant other and a wise group of Spirit guides who have been helping me to heal and carry myself in a healthier and more respectful manner. The first step is realizing that something is wrong in the first place.

Part of Spiritual awakening is awakening to the inherent truth that we are whole already. Everything that we need in life is within us already. Because we incarnate and play in the illusion of separation, we believe that we need others to give us the love, approval, and desire that we seek. But how can we expect that from others when we can’t give it to ourselves? The truth is that God lives within us. The Divine plan is written into our DNA and our consciousness is a spark directly from the Divine Source. Therefore, as co-creators on equal footing with everyone else, it serves us much better to look within for the things that we need and desire through the lens of the Divine collective’s loving perspective.

When we sit in a quiet place and bring our thoughts, beliefs, and pains to inner contemplation, we realize that we have been engaging in certain behaviors (such as seeking desirability and approval from others) due to unhealed trauma, baggage, and false beliefs due to social conditioning. Somewhere along the way, someone mistreated us or told us that we were not good enough, that we were unlovable, that we were too ugly, or limitless other lies. This is harsh and it is untrue. The all that is created each of us with love. We were not meant to be exactly the same as one another. Each of our lives are intended to be unique so that we may bring the things that we have learned from our individual lives back to the source. We wouldn’t learn very much if we were all identical, both in form and experience.

Once we realize that we have been acting out, it better serves us to have compassion for ourselves and to begin to love ourselves unconditionally once again. Unconditional self-love means that I love myself regardless of the pimple on my face, the crooked teeth in my mouth, the stain on my clothes, or the scratches on my car. Unconditional self-love means that I love myself despite the fact that I dishonored myself before by making my self-love conditional on material success, approval from others, or physical appearance.

One day, I will be old and my body will age. It is probable that most people will not desire me then, especially the ones to whom I am attracted. Does that mean that I should no longer love or respect myself? My father was quite ill-adjusted in the mind and my experiences with him were quite painful. Should I base my self-worth on how my mentally ill father treated me or on how my selfish mother neglected me?

Today, and each day going into the future, I choose to be thankful for the wonderful and abundant life that I am living right now. I am not perfect and neither are my surroundings, but I have love in my life that is better than I ever dreamed. I have steady food, shelter, clothing, transportation, healthcare, and things that I never had in my childhood and early young adult years. There is no reason to continue to seek outwardly. It is the inner world that calls and yearns for attention, healing, and love - unconditional love. I am so thankful for my boyfriend who loves me. If he can look at me and see something worth loving, despite my many flaws, then why can’t I do that for myself. I have no problem loving him unconditionally. It is time to go within and to ask God to help me to heal and love myself as it intended.

I offer this message for the highest good of all.

I ask that God bless all who read it with love and healthy self-esteem,

Beau